fvck three more weeks before thesis defense. *raaaaant*
bigti laslas o lason? hahaha.
eh yung mas affected pa tatay ko sa break up ni Chichay at Joaquin! hindi na ko magtataka kung bukas makalawa kathniel fan na rin siya! -.-
Okay, so i don’t know why I am writing this blog instead of making my paper works. But I can’t help sharing everything what’s been happening to me these past few months. I can’t share it with my friends, because I know they’ll laugh at me. I want to share it to my mom but I don’t know how she’ll react so until now I’m still keeping this thing for myself.
So I met a guy online, it was on a site my cousin “advertised”. lol. I wasn’t really taking that thing seriously because I know meeting someone online is the lamest and the most bullsh*t love story ever. I mean, I always dream meeting that special person in the most special way. Not just online. I don’t believe in online dating, chat and eye balls. The hell its so cheap for me. LOL :)
Then I met him. When I first saw his picture I knew instantly, I will like him. He’s my type. The funny thing was, I was the one who first messaged him which I don’t normally do.
Try to get to know each other.
I thought it will eventually pass. I’m just bored. I told myself, when I get back to school this chatting will be over.
Then we go on Yahoo.
The normal conversations were getting much more frequent that I started waiting for his messages everyday. We have a 17 hours time difference so most of the time he have to adjust like, he have to sleep at 4 am just for us to talk.
We talk and talk and talk and talk. Exchanging pictures and voice messages. We’ve been planning to call each other so we could finally talk for real. I am so comfortable with him, I didn’t hesitate to tell my deepest darkest secrets that I don’t even share to my friends! haha. Knowing there were a lot of things we have in common, we like the same things, love the same people, I knew where it was going.
I know he’s not a catfish. He’s not a poser. I am the person who could smell if someone’s bullsh*tting me even that person is thousand miles away. And if you are the person, you’ll know it and you’ll feel it right?
I’ve seen his facebook but I can’t freaking add him because I’m scared. He’s four years older than me and I knew HE IS REAL. I’ve seen pictures of his family, his son and daughter. Yes he has kids but he’s never married and he was separated on his kids’ mom for almost two years.
I know deep in my heart that it was all in our mind, I really doubt the relationship we have created. We created a world wherein we are the only two people. He told me, only time will tell if the world we created could be real. We both don’t know if we could fit in each other’s world.
I want to know everything about him, I want to get into his world. I don’t know if I can. I am so f*cking scared because I know I’m becoming attach to him. I keep on thinking, what if I become his girlfriend and his family won’t like me, his friends won’t like me? Damn he has kids! I don’t know either if my family will understand this thing I am caught up into. I’m an only child and my parents are real conservative pips. lol
I have to admit, Filipina girls find “foreigner” boyfriends because of money. I am not saying “ALL” of them. But that’s the primary thing. Its a classic move. I am not into him because of his money. This thing he said to me yesterday… He said he wants to buy me an iPhone 5s. I was like, whaaaat? There’s no freaking way!! I don’t want him to think of me like a materialistic bitch. I won’t accept anything from him that is soooo expensive. And I know I am not that kind of girl.
I like him not just because he is hot and has freaking money. I like him because he makes me feel beautiful. I like him because he’s not like the other guy who keeps on pushing on what he wants and not thinking of what I feel. I like him because he’s romantic and sweet. I want him to see the real me and still like me.
He’s been planning to go here in Philippines soon and I freaking swear I reaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy want to see him. I want to take a chance but I am so scared. I know if I won’t take a chance I won’t know if this is the real thing or its just a bullcrap. But I know deep down in my heart and soul that this is not just a simple bullcrap.
I am so confused. o.O
TAMA BA TONG PINAPASOK KO?